The Best Horror Fight Can’t Be Watched, Movie Deleted From Viewing
The other day, I decided to rewatch Freddy vs. Jason, the so-cheesy-it’s-good grudge match between the most famous faces in horror. Normally, I’m a digital guy, but to watch the fight (which was infinitely more entertaining than the bout between Mike Tyson and Logan Paul), I had to make like Tommy Jarvis and start digging. I was digging up physical media rather than Jason’s corpse for a very surprising reason: as of this writing, Freddy vs. Jason is nowhere to be found on streaming.
Part of what makes this so noteworthy is that Freddy vs. Jason was arguably the most hyped film in horror history, one that the respective studios had been trying to make happen since the ‘80s. Before it came out, fans spent decades imagining how the fight between these two killers would go down. It was the horror equivalent of nerds debating whether Kirk or Picard was the better Star Trek captain. Now, horror’s most entertaining fight is nowhere to be streamed, and that’s a shame because the film is the perfect embodiment of shlocky fun.
It’s not clear exactly why Freddy vs. Jason isn’t on streaming right now…it was available on Max about a month ago, and it may simply be unavailable while the rights holders figure out where to shop it to next. Additionally, it may have had a timed window to stream on Max for October before disappearing back into our dreams after the spooky month was over. Regardless of the exact reason, it’s a shame that this film isn’t on streaming because it has many fine qualities, including a killer cast.
The cast of Freddy vs. Jason slays, especially Nightmare On Elm Street veteran Robert Englund reprising his role as Freddy Krueger. Ken Kirzinger plays Jason Voorhees, and while I miss Kane Hodder’s portrayal of the world’s most violent goalie, Kirzinger gives the character some nicely brooding gravitas as a counterbalance against Englund’s unhinged humor. The cast of victims is equally entertaining and includes surprisingly big names such as Kelly Rowland (most famous for being part of Destiny’s Child) and Katherine Isabelle (best known to horror fans as the scream queen star of Ginger Snaps).
Freddy vs. Jason similarly slayed at the box office, earning $116.6 million against a budget of only $30 million. That’s a way better return than New Line Cinema saw with Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (which earned $19.8 million against a budget of $8 million) or Jason X (which earned $17.1 million against a budget of $11-$14 million). Critically, it was more of a dud, earning an abysmal critical rating of 41 percent, with critics generally noting that the film is enjoyable for fans of these respective franchises but not as much to general audiences.
This is a fair criticism, but I can’t help but wonder who shows up to a movie called Freddy vs. Jason without caring about the titular fighters. That would be akin to watching Batman v. Superman without caring about superheroes or tuning into Godzilla vs. Kong without having an interest in kaiju combat. And assuming that you, like me, have spent decades enjoying both of these characters, you’ll find much to love in Freddy vs. Jason, a film that’s simply better than most of the later entries in each franchise.
For example, the story involving Freddy using Jason as a catspaw to make the children of Springwood remember him is surprisingly smart. This pivots around another smart plot involving Springwood isolating anyone who had been exposed to Freddy and giving them a drug to keep them from sleeping. Personally, I’m a sucker for big reveals about how much the general public is aware of a mystical killer like Freddy, and it’s rewarding to see them take practical steps to effectively quarantine him from his home turf of the dreamscape.
So long as you don’t mind the jittery camera (like what you’d see in an early aughts music video), the final battle between Freddy and Jason is quite entertaining. Not content to rely solely on each other’s cutting implements, the two make clever use of the environment even as the teens make use of their respective fears (the movie introduces an admittedly baffling idea that Jason has a phobia of water and Freddy has a phobia of fire). It’s a knockdown, drag-out fight that delivers everything you want from a horror showdown decades in the making, and you’re sure to rock a big grin right through the credits.
Freddy vs. Jason is an imperfect film, but that doesn’t keep it from providing perfect entertainment if you’re in the mood for the ultimate love letter to ‘80s horror. It’s not available on streaming anywhere, but I highly recommend that you track down the physical media. Of course, you could always hold off and watch the whole thing in your dreams, but be warned: after this topsy-turvy year, Freddy’s got plenty more nightmares to haunt before he comes for yours.
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