The X-Files Star Who Gave Their Children Nightmares By Showing The Best Episode

You might understandably be thinking, “Vampires? Well of course they were scared!”

If you’ve seen “Bad Blood,” though, you can probably understand why she felt it was safe.

“Bad Blood” is one of the funniest episodes of The X-Files and while it deals with vampires, the vampires it features prove to be a lot less menacing than the ones we’re used to.

Actually, the most dangerous of them all–the “stupid flying vampire kid who delivers pizzas”–is only dangerous because he doesn’t want to be like the other vampires, and is obsessed with becoming like the more monstrous versions he sees in popular culture.

“Bad Blood” starts with arguably the greatest cold open in X-Files history. Mulder, convinced a teenage boy is a vampire, murders him in the woods with a wooden stake.

When Scully arrives he shows her the boy’s fangs. Scully slides the teeth out of the boy’s mouth–holding them up and showing Mulder they’re obviously plastic fakes.

Most of the rest of the episode unfolds from dueling points of view. Mulder and Scully travel to a small town in Texas to investigate the case of a man murdered and drained of his blood.

First we get the story from Scully’s viewpoint, and then from Mulder’s. Along the way we get to see exactly how each agent sees the other.

Through Scully’s “Bad Blood” POV, we see Mulder as a fast-talking, inconsiderate partner who doesn’t care what she has to say.

If anything, he enjoys making her work without sleep to research his crazy ideas. As she leaves their motel to perform yet another autopsy, Mulder is practically cackling like a Bond villain.

Mulder’s view of Scully in “Bad Blood” is no more forgiving. The Scully he sees is a dismissive, rude, guilt-tripping partner who cares more about seducing the local sheriff (Luke Wilson) than furthering the mission of the X-Files.

The truth in “Bad Blood” winds up being somewhere in between Mulder’s conviction that vampires are up to no good, and Scully’s early theory that the killer is someone who wishes they were a vampire.

The killer is Ronnie Strickland–played by Patrick Renna of The Sandlot fame–a pizza delivery guy who laces his pizzas with drugs before killing them,.

Ronnie is, in fact, a vampire, but not the kind of vampire we’re used to. He doesn’t have fangs (beyond the plastic ones), the Sun doesn’t burn his skin, and considering what he does for a living it’s a safe bet garlic isn’t an issue.

But he wants to be the type of vampire we’re used to. He’s a vampire who wants to be a way cooler vampire.

If you’ve never seen “Bad Blood” but you’ve got a Hulu subscription, do yourself a favor and check it out.

There are some scary moments in “Bad Blood” and it’s honestly not tough to imagine children not reacting well. When an entire RV park of green-eyed vampires swarm toward Mulder, for example, it’s got a really creepy George Romero vibe to it.

Not to mention the autopsy scenes–though hopefully Anderson knew enough to tell her kids to not look when she was scooping intestines onto produce scales.