Ridiculous Parody Of Iconic Horror Franchise You Have To See To Believe

In many ways, Slaw is a movie that makes fun of those people you find on Yelp who write insufferably long diatribes about any perceived slight in service instead of talking about the quality of the food.

When two wealthy self-proclaimed foodies named Gordon (John Kap) and Martha (Aaron Beelner) decide that they’ve had enough poor service, they round up a handful of restaurant workers who have recently wronged them so they can exact revenge. Quoting Jigsaw’s famous introductory line (“would you like to play a game?”), the boorish brothers bust out their torture devices.

The torture devices in Slaw resemble the same kind of devices that you’d see in a Saw movie, but mostly involve cabbage and mayonnaise. Giving their various victims 30 minutes to complete a series of challenges, Gordon and Martha hope to send a message to those working in the hospitality sector who need a serious attitude adjustment.

With the help of their mother, Mama (credited as Berna Roberts), they take frequent dinner breaks between rounds of submitting their subjects to unthinkably stupid levels of culinary-themed cruelty.

Needing an actual sense of conflict, Slaw decides to introduce a couple of detectives named Turner (Escalante Lundy) and Hooch (Michael E. Sanders) to the movie. Turner and Hooch (sigh) are as incompetent as they come, and need to apprehend their suspects with little to no leads.

Since Commissioner Kelly (Gregory Alan Williams) told them that they should only focus on locating the missing restaurant workers, they ignore whatever acts of blatant homicide they encounter while pursuing their assignment as a top priority.

Of the very few audience reviews that you can find on Rotten Tomatoes, Slaw is a movie that will please its core demographic while simultaneously pushing everybody else away. Like the reviewers suggest, you will think that Slaw is either the “worst movie in existence,” or the “best movie [you’ve] watched in a long while.”

There is no healthy middle ground for movies like this, so you need to go into watching Slaw knowing where you stand when it comes to extremely low-budget horror comedies that are made with obnoxious intent.

The best way to watch Slaw is on horror movie night with your friends. What I would recommend is slipping this title into the rotation right between Saw III and Saw IV without saying a thing.

In an ideal world, you’ll get through the first four minutes before anybody notices what you did.

GFR SCORE

After you get thrown out of the party for ruining everyone’s evening, you can head on down to your local greasy spoon and grab an entrée with two sides of your choosing, so long as one of those sides is a bowl of coleslaw. As you sit alone in the dimly lit diner, regretting every decision you’ve ever made in your life, you can finally begin the healing process and think about the possible ways you can beg for forgiveness. If this sounds like a great way to spend your evening, you can stream Slaw for free on Tubi.