The Long-Forgotten ’80s Crime Comedy That Is Almost Too Shocking, Stream Without Netflix

Malibu Express introduces Cody Abilene, a resourceful private-eye from Texas who lives in a decked out houseboat in Malibu. When we’re first introduced to him, we’re quickly made aware of how awesome he is on every level. He almost always has a girl (or girls) in his arms, and he knows how to drive like a pro. At the shooting range, his skills leave a lot to be desired, but his intuition is second-to-none, so he makes due with his good looks and can-do attitude.

When Cody is made aware of a black-market computer ring that’s selling US technology to the Russians in Malibu Express, he gets to work, but only after hooking up with his new attractive neighbors who need to use his shower because they haven’t yet hooked up the water in their own houseboat. Playing out like an R-rated erotic telenovela, this action-comedy wastes no time jamming as much raunchy dialogue into the premise as humanly possible before getting into any actual police work.

On his way to and from his houseboat (when he’s not fighting off women who are ready to pounce on him), Cody has frequent run-ins with the Buffington family, a bunch of hillbillies who challenge him to unsanctioned street races. The Buffingtons always beat Cody because they’re rigging their engines with nitrous oxide, causing Cody to wreck one of his many cars in the process. Though these races happen several times in the film, I can’t think of any way they’re actually related to the rest of the movie’s plot.

Believe it or not, Cody is surprisingly good at what he does in Malibu Express, and when he’s able to focus on the task at hand – investigating a bunch of affluent and attractive socialites who may or may not be working in collusion with the Russians – he starts to compile evidence. The evidence in question more often than not comes in the form of film developed from cameras that are set up in everybody’s bedroom during their romantic rendezvous, eventually leading Cody to the person of interest he needs to pursue. Consulting his lady cop friend, Beverly Mcafee (Lori Sutton), Cody uncovers a technological conspiracy that fails to reveal itself until well into the third act.

Malibu Express is essentially a B-movie version of an erotic spy thriller, using handful of action-comedy movie tropes to cobble it all together. But when you consider the fact that Playboy Playmates such as Kimberly McArthur, Barbara Edwards, Lorraine Michaels, and Lynda Wiesmeier are cast in this movie that also features a cameo from Regis Philbin, you shouldn’t exactly expect high art either. If I had to imagine how this movie was actually developed and written, I’d venture to guess that Andy Sidaris spent most of his time throwing darts at a bunch of nudie and car magazines, and maybe an old detective novel or two to introduce some form of conflict.

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But still, I have to give credit where it’s due because movies like Malibu Express have a charming amount of self-awareness that help you (kind of maybe) ignore its many flaws, of which there are plenty. If you’re looking for fast cars, comically bad gunplay, cheesy one-liners, and don’t want to worry about keeping track of a “plot,” then this is the movie that you want to stream on Tubi when you literally have nothing else better to do. I’ll probably never watch this movie again, but it was an amusing enough way to keep myself off of social media for a couple of hours.