Ridiculous Sci-Fi Action Movie Box Office Bomb Is Better Than You Think
When Hollywood decides to jump on a trend, the normal reaction is to roll your eyes and wonder who thought this would be a good idea. One of the strangest sci-fi movies of the previous decade is the poster child for that exact type of reaction, Battleship, the sci-fi action adaptation of the incredibly boring board game in which everyone always lies. Turning the peg-based guessing game into a summer blockbuster was never going to work, yet the movie’s bizarre premise and incredibly corny presentation have all the makings of becoming a cult classic.
Formulaic, Predictable, And That’s A Good Thing
The plot of Battleship livens up the board game by focusing on an alien invasion in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The aliens erect a force field that cuts off Hawaii from the rest of the world, and the Navy’s first encounter doesn’t go well, with the peg-looking weaponry of the aliens destroying a ship and leaving the survivors scrambling. Eventually, the remaining officers discover the alien’s weakness and find a way to turn the tide, as there are no plot twists, no surprises, and the film doesn’t even try to do anything different.
And I don’t say that as a slight because Battleship is a crowd-pleasing film from start to finish, knows exactly what it is, and in the years since its release, that degree of earnestness and pure popcorn-munching delight should be applauded.
Beware The Old Soldier
For all of its faults, and there are plenty of them, Battleship succeeds when it comes to sheer spectacle, but my favorite moment, and the one that won me over, is a quiet one with no explosions and no aliens involved. After losing twice to the alien invaders, the survivors of the Naval Pacific fleet are onboard the USS Missouri, one of the ships that survived the attack on Pearl Harbor, and they are at a loss on how to get it up and running to try and mount some semblance of a counterattack.
That’s when the veterans arrive, and they get to work, bringing the ship back up and running, showing the young officers what to do, and proving that nothing is more dangerous than an old man in a profession where people die young. Best of all, those are real veterans that the production brought on board, including a few World War II veterans. Battleship may not be a great movie, but if watching old sea dogs go to work as AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” is cranking doesn’t get you pumped up, go visit a doctor.
An Amazingly Star-Studded Cast
The rest of the cast of Battleship is, amazingly, filled with recognizable faces and a few big names, including Liam Neeson, Alexander Skarsgard, Jesse Plemons, and Taylor Kitsch (at the tail-end of when he was being pushed as the next big leading man.) Notably, Rihanna makes her acting debut in the film as a military officer, a far cry from her usual pop star persona. Beyond the Hollywood stars, a significant number of the extras on board the ships were also active-duty military.
A Box Office Failure
Battleship was sunk in theaters, earning only $65 million in the United States and finishing with $303 million worldwide, which wouldn’t be embarrassing even today, except it was a very expensive film, with a $250 million production budget, so by the end of the day, the studio lost $150 million making the film. Critics have dinged the film for being formulaic and offering nothing but escapism, though I argue that’s why it’s a great movie to stream today.
Sit Back And Enjoy
REVIEW SCORE
There’s more demanding sci-fi out there, from 3 Body Problem to Silo, but I also enjoy movies that are simply fun. Battleship barely has a plot, there’s thin characterization, and the entire premise was written on the back of a napkin, but it’s fun. Sit back, relax, and enjoy a movie about humanity blowing invading aliens to Hell.
In fact, the worst part about Battleship is that it’s only available through Video On Demand via Amazon Prime, AppleTV, Google Play, and Vudu. Then again, you can also find the DVDs dirt cheap at almost every store and even highway gas stations.
