Raunchy Muppets Parody By Legendary Director Makes R-Rated Look Tame

If your only knowledge of Jackson comes from his Tolkien stuff, you might be shocked to hear that he started as a horror director. No, sorry, Sam Raimi started as a horror director. Peter Jackson’s career began with a trio of low-budget splatter movies, each attempting to be more disgusting than the one before.

The pinnacle of Jackson’s gross-out phase was Meet The Feebles.

The Feebles are a parody of the Muppets. They have a variety show, they sing and dance, but unlike the Muppets, they also do hard drugs and film explicit content in their basement. What, did you think I was kidding?

There’s a reason the film is still banned in Ireland.

It’s hard to decide if the puppet aspect of Meet the Feebles makes it more or less disturbing. On one hand, violence against felt and foam rubber isn’t quite as gruesome as violence against flesh and blood. On the other hand, the average movie-goer has seen blood flying from fake bullet wounds more times than they can count.

Realistic blood oozing from a puppet? That leaves a mark on your psyche forever.

The movie has a standard Muppet-esque plot. The Feeble Variety Hour troupe struggles to nail a performance that will determine whether their TV show gets picked up for syndication. Behind the scenes, the various animals and “things” that make up the Feebles bicker and deal with non-showbiz related stuff.

It’s basically The Muppet Show … if Kermit had Vietnam flashbacks.

Wynyard, Meet the Feebles‘ resident frog character is a drug addict and Vietnam veteran who accidentally kills himself on stage. Based on that description, he sounds like a horrifying, perverse attack on Kermit the Frog, right? Wynyard is probably one of the least offensive characters in the film.

The movie is more a collage of offensive imagery than a regular narrative. Despite that, there are two semi-coherent story lines. One involves Robert, an innocent bright-eyed hedgehog and the Feebles’ newest member.

Robert falls in love with another newcomer named Lucille, and their relationship becomes the only bright spot in the pit of despair which is Meet the Feebles before taking an incredibly dark turn.

It’s clear from watching it that Peter Jackson wanted no one to escape Meet the Feebles unscathed. Least of all the viewers.

The other story line involves Meet the Feebles‘ Miss Piggy stand in, Heidi the Hippo. Heidi is in love with the Feebles’ manager, Bletch—a walrus that we are introduced to through a scene where he’s “making love” to a cat. In case you were wondering, yes, the animals are to scale.

When Heidi finds out about the affair, she grabs an M60 machine gun and murders everyone in the Feeble’s theater. Meet the Feebles‘ climax is seriously just Heidi mowing down everyone around her with a realistic machine gun, causing realistic blood to spurt from foam rubber bodies.

I could go on. There’s a rabbit who contracts a disease that slowly eats away at his body, a fly that’s frequently shown eating feces, and a dominatrix cow crushing a cricket to death while filming a pornographic movie. When I say this movie is one of the most depraved films I’ve ever seen, it’s no exaggeration.

And everyone should see it. Just once. It’s such a surreal experience. You don’t so much as watch Meet the Feebles as you survive it.

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Sadly, but not surprisingly, the movie isn’t available to stream anywhere. It’s not even available to rent on Amazon Prime. If you do find a way to experience Meet the Feebles, I wish you luck. And may the deity of your choice have mercy on your soul.