Nicolas Cage’s Worst Movie Can’t Be Streamed, But They Can’t Stop Us From Renting It
Nicolas Cage’s portrayal of Officer Edward Malus in the 2006 remake of The Wicker Man will go down in history as one of the actor’s most absurd roles of all time. This is a bold statement because we’re talking about a man who once got into fist fights with animotronic restaurant mascots in between swigs of a highly caffeinated energy drink called PUNCH in a movie called Willy’s Wonderland.
While The Wicker Man may be one of the most ill-fated remakes of all time, viewing it in a vacuum, and as a Nicolas Cage fan, is an experience that you shouldn’t deprive yourself of, which means you’ll have to seek out the title by renting it on-demand because no streaming service presently has the movie available through a regular subscription.
Cage Is On The Case
The Wicker Man is a remake of the 1973 British film of the same name, and the folk-horror film sees Nicolas Cage’s Edward Malus caught in the middle of cultish conspiracy that’s a little too close to home. After learning from his ex-fiancée, Willow (Kate Beahan), that her daughter, Rowan (Erika Shaye Gair), has gone missing, Edward finds himself investigating her disappearance on a remote island off the coast of Washington.
Edward stays on the island and learns that the all-women group of neo-pagans led by Sister Summersile (Ellen Burstyn) is a tight-knit community whose economy, and by extension, their survival, is dependent on their ever-declining honey production.
Unintentional Comedy In Every Scene
Searching for answers, Edward asks the locals about Rowan’s whereabouts, but he can never get a clear answer. The Wicker Man’s plot continues to thicken, like the precious honey that’s running dry without a proper human sacrifice, and Nicolas Cage delivers an earnest performance that’s so unintentionally hilarious there’s no wonder why the film’s climax has been responsible for some of the best memes involving the Longlegs actor to this day.
As Edward digs deeper, he becomes increasingly delirious and unhinged because he never gets the answers he’s looking for, and it’s clear that he’s being deceived and manipulated by everyone he encounters.
The Frustration Is Apparent
The Wicker Man was both a critical and commercial flop upon its release, and Nicolas Cage has gone on record since stating how absurd of a film that it actually was. Though he plays it straight throughout the duration of the film, his lines are so pithy and matter-of-fact that you can’t help but love how committed he was to the premise.
One of my favorite exchanges happens early on in the film when Edward holds up a picture of Rowan to Sister Oak (Mary Black) and Sister Violet (Christine Willes), asking if either of them have seen her around the island. While both sisters quickly answer that they haven’t seen her without breaking eye contact with Edward, he quickly snaps back with “Just a tip here, it often helps to actually glance at the photo.”
This line would have fallen flat with any other actor, but Nicolas Cage’s tone and cadence make it such a comical exchange because we’re barely through the first act, and you can tell he’s already had it with these women who are clearly hiding something from him.
Not The Memes!
But we can’t talk about Nicolas Cage’s performance in The Wicker Man without addressing all of the memes. Of course, you may already be familiar with the infamous “Not the bees!” sequence, in which Edward has a helmet placed on his head and he’s repeatedly stung before being raised into a structure that looks like it was built by some hippies trying to throw their own version of Burning Man in their backyard.
While this may be the most iconic moment from the movie, we can’t forget about Edward pointing a loaded gun at Sister Rose (Molly Parker) and telling her to “step away from the bike,” or Edward frantically (and repeatedly) yelling “How’d it get burned?!” while waving Rowan’s doll in front of Sister Willow’s face.
Worth Its Weight In Unhinged Entertainment Value
GFR SCORE
The Wicker Man may not be Nicolas Cage’s finest hour, but it does prominently feature him running around in a bear costume and decking a village teacher in the face. I have absolutely no qualms about stating how terrible this movie truly is, but it has inherent rewatch value because it’s so insane on every single level that you can’t help but admire it.
While it seems like most streaming services are trying to sweep this title under the rug so we can finally forget about it, you can still rent Nicolas Cage’s The Wicker Man on-demand through Apple TV+ and Amazon Prime Video.
