Alien vs. Muppets Needs To Happen
Now that Disney owns the Alien franchise, they’ve been pitting the series’ gruesome xenomorphs against several Marvel heroes, including Wolverine and the Avengers. And while that’s cool and all, it’s a safe choice and rather boring. If Disney really wanted to do something fun, they would pair the xenomorphs with a more eclectic group. Forget Alien vs Predator, we need Alien vs Muppets!
Alien Vs Muppets
Imagine all the ridiculous things you could put in an Alien vs Muppets movie! The trailer would show a facehugger egg in silhouette, slowly turning until it’s revealed to have been the back of Bunsen Honeydew’s head. Cut to Beaker freaking out and pointing behind Honeydew as a xenomorph comes into focus.
And then the tagline: “In space, no one can hear you meep.”
As for the actual plot, Alien vs Muppets would work better with the Muppets existing in the Alien universe rather than the xenomorphs invading Earth. It could be the first ever Muppet sci-fi movie. We’ve already had the gang as pirates in Muppet Treasure Island.
Why not put them on a spaceship?
Spaceballs Already Proved The Concept
Obviously, the movie would have to tone down the violence usually found in Alien movies, but playing the xenomorphs against puppets would also allow for some creative mayhem. I firmly believe that Alien vs. Muppets could pull off a chestburster scene and still maintain a PG rating. After all, Spaceballs did it back in the ’80s.
Not only could the movie pull it off, but I’m willing to bet there’s a way to write the scene so that it turns out funnier than the one in Spaceballs. Maybe the chestburster pops bloodlessly out of Animal, prompting the wild Muppet to scream, “Alien, Alien!” I don’t know; I’m just spitballing here.
Opportunities To Break The Fourth Wall
One thing I do know is that Alien vs Muppets would give the Muppets lots of opportunities for jokes. Picture Fozzie asking Kermit why they all have to wear underwear in the cryopods.
Meanwhile, a Muppet with a facehugger stuck to its face would also be an invitation for hilarity. Someone would inevitably have to explain how the facehugger impregnates its host, giving some lucky Muppet a chance to make a meta-joke about their mouths not being real. The Muppets often break the fourth wall, and Alien vs Muppets would be no exception.
The Obvious Cameos
Let’s talk celebrity cameos. Sigourney Weaver and Lance Henrikson are no-brainers. The best gag Alien vs Muppets could pull off would be to bring back Michael Biehn or the girl who played Newt. Either actor would work as long as they play someone new and get killed.
That way, they could look at the camera and say, “Well at least I got to die onscreen this time.”
Following Alien tradition, Alien vs Muppets needs to have an android and I have the perfect Muppet … or should I say Muppets? That’s right, Statler and Waldorf would make the perfect evil synthetics secretly working for the Weyland-Yutani. That way, they could heckle the Muppets and be a thorn in their sides.
The Ultimate Crossover That We Need To See
Miss Piggy would be the last Muppet alive per the Alien playbook meaning she would get to utter, “Get away from moi, you witch!” Seriously, this movie practically writes itself. Disney, if you’re hiring, give me a call. To quote Captain America, “I can do this all day.”
Do I think Alien vs Muppets will ever actually get made? Probably not. Would I actually want it to? Heck yes!
Not only would it get the Muppets back on the big screen where they belong, but it would make serious bank. Who wouldn’t go see such a weird movie out of curiosity alone?
If a crossover as unlikely as Archie vs Predator can exist, then there’s more than enough room in the world for Alien vs Muppets.
