Insane R-Rated Horror Comedy On Streaming Delivers Nothing But Laughs
There is a movie that exists in this world that you may want to check out if you’re willing to take a sacrilegious romp through Ottawa, Canada with the son of God. When it comes to horror parody films that are also musicals centered on Jesus Christ using his intimidating kung-fu skills to fight off hordes of the undead, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is the best of its kind. Until we find another movie that even comes close to trying to do the same thing, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter will stand on the top of the mountain as one of the most ridiculous horror parodies you’ve ever had the opportunity to watch.
Stopping Dr. Praetorious
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter centers on a modern-day Jesus Christ, who works alongside the Catholic church to stop the evil Dr. Praetorious from harvesting the skin of lesbians. Dr. Praetorious needs their skin so he could transplant it onto Vampires to make them immune to sunlight. Teaming up with Mary Magnum after getting a sharp new haircut, Jesus knows what he has to do next: purchase as much lumber as possible so he can make an arsenal of wooden stakes to drive through the hearts of each and every day-walking vampire he encounters.
A Little Help From His Friends
When Jesus gets overpowered by two vampires named Maxine and Johnny Golgotha, he can’t save Mary from getting bitten and turned into a vampire herself, so he needs to bust out the big guns. After recruiting the help of the masked Mexican wrestler, El Santo, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter takes us to a nightclub where we bear witness to a drum and bass driven showdown where every single wooden object is used as a stake. Using everything from drum sticks to cocktail toothpicks, Jesus and El Santo slay countless vampires, but their job is far from finished.
All About The Laughs
Clearly not taking itself seriously, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter has the same kind of charm that any other action B-movie has. By virtue of using Jesus as an action hero who travels by moped, the one-liners found in this film are next-level and worthy of praise even if the film has obvious shortcomings. If you can keep a straight face when Jesus passionately sings “I was born in a manger, and doomed to live in danger,” then you’re an absolute saint of the highest order and worthy of salvation.
And the one-liners don’t stop. When dozens of atheists pile out of a sedan to fight Jesus in the park, he yells “Body of Christ!” before spin-kicking his way through his adversaries with righteous indignation.
Everyone Loves It
The most unbelievable part about Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter comes in the form of an 80 percent critical score on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s worth noting, however, that the critics who were actually willing to review this movie took its thematic elements at face value and clearly have a penchant for acid-jazz and low-budget productions.
Watch The Holy Vampire Hunting Now
If you’re still with us, we need to remind you that Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is, in fact, a real movie. You may not have heard of it because of its modest $100,000 budget and limited distribution. But thanks to the fact that we live in the streaming era, you can watch it in all of its perverse glory on Tubi today.
