No One Should Watch The Jake Gyllenhaal Road House Remake, Here’s The Evidence
The first trailer for the Jake Gyllenhaal remake of Road House has finally arrived via YouTube, with a look at what the long-awaited reboot has to offer. Unfortunately, the trailer makes the film something of a hard sell, with many fans taking to social media to express disappointment with the upcoming movie. Despite Jake Gyllenhaal’s rockin’ bod doing a lot of heavy lifting in the first look, the trailer does very little to convince new-coming fans or fans of the original to line up at their local theaters.
The original Road House starred Patrick Swayze, and premiered in theaters in 1989. While the film became a major hit with audiences at the time, most people reading this probably share a passing familiarity with the action thriller through a non-sequitur throwaway gag utilized in a 2009 episode of the adult animated series Family Guy.
Even if Jake Gyllenhaal nailed the role, the original Road House relied on Swayze’s skills as a dancer to provide perfectly choreographed moves that shocked audiences as much as they shocked the characters in the film.
Given that the film premiered nearly four decades ago, it seems like now is a perfect time for a big name actor like Jake Gyllenhaal to reinvigorate the Road House brand.
Unfortunately, Jake Gyllenhaal’s leading man in the Road House trailer pales in comparison to Swayze’s front-and-center cooler, even with decades put between their performances. Swayze brought a smooth, under-the-radar angle to his performance that allowed his character to live by the motto “be nice, until it’s time to not be nice,” while Jake Gyllenhaal brings a smiling, happy-go-lucky persona that brings to mind previous Gyllenhaal characters such as the bubble boy and the creepy paparazzo from Nightcrawler.
Even if Jake Gyllenhaal nailed the role with a dead-on Patrick Swayze impression, the original Road House relied on Swayze’s skills as a dancer to provide perfectly choreographed moves that shocked audiences as much as they shocked the characters in the film.
This isn’t even scratching the surface of the biggest flaw in the trailer, the so-called ‘Marvel-ization’ of dialogue in modern films.
A frequent motif of the first film sees Swayze getting hit with the phrase “I thought you’d be bigger” by friends and foes alike, which would never be said to Gyllenhaal’s character, considering he looks like a recently retired UFC fighter.
As luck would have it, the character is exactly that, and the showdown teased between Jake Gyllenhaal and real life MMA fighter Connor McGregor only goes to reinforce the question, why would droves of street thugs feel comfortable stepping to this muscle-bound freak in a one-on-one encounter within the titular Road House? Even if you’ve never seen the Patrick Swayze original, Gyllenhaal’s hulking physique is enough to leave viewers scratching their heads when the trailer concludes.
This isn’t even scratching the surface of the biggest flaw in the trailer, the so-called ‘Marvel-ization’ of dialogue in modern films. In the first moments of the trailer, Jake Gyllenhaal cracks wise on a gang of thugs making trouble at the Road House before easily beating them to a pulp, while all but winking into the camera between each slap and kick.
Even if you’ve never seen the Patrick Swayze original, Gyllenhaal’s hulking physique is enough to leave viewers scratching their heads when the trailer concludes.
This humor may have left audiences in stitches in 2012 as the Avengers quipped and joked their way through a hellfire of evildoers, but audiences at large have gone to great lengths to express that this style of humor is as tired and played out now as the line “so… that just happened!”
It’s still far too early to tell if the movie has more to offer than what’s been seen in the trailer, but audiences seem to agree that this is no way to re-launch a beloved franchise. Jake Gyllenhaal’s Road House is set to premiere on March 8, though the jury’s still out on whether anyone will be present in theaters to see the full narrative unfold.
