The Forbidden Mario Movie Nintendo Hides From the World
Recently, the success of The Super Mario. Bros Movie has caused more fans to discover the surreal pleasures of the strange 1993 Super Mario Bros. film that bore little resemblance to the games it was based on. But there is another movie, that is far worse than that 1993 outing.
Ironically, there was a pair of parody films released at the same time as the 1993 Mario Bros. movie, but they are now nearly impossible to watch. The reason is simple: these were pornographic movies, and Nintendo bought the rights to Super Hornio Brothers and Super Hornio Brothers II to kill the distribution rights.
One of the more hilarious things about these Mario porn parodies is the surprisingly spot-on casting. Prolific adult film actor Ron Jeremy plays Mario (or “Squeegee Hornio,” as he is called in the movie) while T.T. Boy plays Luigi (or “Ornio Hornio”). Chelsea Lynx plays Princess Peach (or “Princess Perlina”) while Buck Adams plays Bowser (or “King Pooper,” the name a parody of Bowser’s earlier name, King Koopa).
What are these Mario porn parodies about (don’t worry…we know you only watch stuff like this for the plot)? The first film has a very Tron-like premise in which our Mario and Luigi stand-ins are transported to a different dimension inside of a computer game. Once there, they must foil King Pooper’s attempt to invade Earth.
The second Mario porn parody immediately follows the first by focusing on Squeegee Hornio’s attempt to save his brother from King Pooper. Unfortunately, the menacing monarch succeeds in his goal of making it to Earth. That makes the stakes even higher as the titular Hornio Brothers must team up with Princess Perlina to send this royal wreck back where he belongs.
Very little of these movies have survived to make it on the internet. Here’s the best of the few Super Hornio Brothers clips available. Don’t worry it’s safe for work…
According to Ron Jeremy, these Mario porn parodies were surprisingly faithful to the source material. Jeremy credits this mostly to the acting talents of Buck Adams, who was allegedly a major fan of the television series The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! At any rate, those who saw the theatrical release of The Mario Bros. can agree that Adams’ performance as King Pooper isn’t any stranger than Dennis Hopper’s insane performance as Bowser.
Incidentally, nobody was more surprised than Ron Jeremy that most of the world never got to see his performance as Mario. He claims he was unaware of Nintendo’s decision to buy the rights to these films until the company Hot Movies tried to buy the pornographic actor’s entire catalog of films. Only then did he discover the lengths the gaming giant had gone to in order to protect the reputation of their famous mascot.
It’s easy to think of this as overreach from Nintendo: as longtime gamers go, the company will do almost anything to aggressively protect their IP, and Nintendo is notorious for canceling fan games and other labors of love. Given that, it’s not really a surprise that Nintendo would come down on a pair of porn parodies like a sack of hammers courtesy of the Hammer Bros.
Now that we know about the existence of these films, though, we’ll forever be asking the most important question: could the late, great Buck Adams sing “Peaches” better than Jack Black in a battle of the Bowsers?
