Alien: Earth Violates The Core Premise Of The Franchise

Lest you think Hawley and FX might be trying to fake us out with the title, here is the synopsis: “When a mysterious space vessel crash-lands on Earth, a young woman (Sydney Chandler) and a ragtag group of tactical soldiers make a fateful discovery that puts them face-to-face with the planet’s greatest threat.” 

Given that the trailer is literally just a xenomorph with Earth reflected in its shiny head, I think It’s safe to say the Aliens are coming to Earth. And that sucks.

No live-action entry in the Alien franchise has set foot on Earth and that’s how it should stay. There’s something about encountering these monsters in settings that are just as alien to the viewer as the xenomorph itself that adds to the franchise’s creepiness.

H.R. Giger’s creations are so foreign that stranding them in a mundane terrestrial environment feels like a crime.

The whole point of the franchise is that humans have never gone that deep into space. Anything could be waiting for us out there, including 8-foot-long monsters that are always wet for some reason.

When you put those moist, eyeless S.O.B.s on Earth, you eliminate part of what makes them scary.

And before you have an aneurysm, yes, the Alien vs Predator movies were set on Earth. However, those movies are not part of the Alien franchise canon, so you take your “um, actually” somewhere else.

AVP is considered its own thing. Some fans believe it’s canon to the Predator series, which, honestly, I could get behind. When it comes to Alien though, they are not part of the universe.

Let’s pretend for a second that they were, though. Alien vs. Predator takes place on Earth but has the good sense to set most of its action in an ancient pyramid a mile below Antarctica.

The location is so isolated it might as well be in deep space. Now contrast that with Alien vs. Predator: Requiem, the most hated movie to feature an Alien or a Predator.

AVP: Requiem takes place in a typical suburb and is an absolute trash fire of a movie. Even calling it a movie makes me throw up in my mouth a little. Earth isn’t to blame for all of AVP: R‘s shortcomings, but it certainly doesn’t help them.

Requiem would still be hot garbage regardless of the setting. Earth isn’t to blame for the horrible Predalien design or the fact that the movie looks like it was lit with a Gameboy. The suburban setting does make the film that much worse, though.

“Watch out when these neighbors invite you over for dinner, you just might be the main course! Coming this summer, from 20th Century Fox, Soccer Mom Alien vs PTA Predator. The neighborhood will never be the same!”

All jokes aside, there’s a reason no Alien movies have visited Earth. Alien 3 was supposed to be set here, but executives ultimately thought better of it. Likewise, Alien: Resurrection has a deleted scene where Ripley 8 and Call land on a dystopian wasteland version of Earth, but it was wisely cut before the movie was released.

Hmmmm… It’s almost like every time somebody suggests xenomorphs on Earth, someone else reminds them what a dumb idea that would be.

Here’s the deal, though: When it was first announced, I thought the idea of a Fargo series was asinine. It’s now one of my favorite shows. Noah Hawley proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he knows what he’s doing regarding television adaptations of established IPs.

So, I’m probably going to regret writing this. Odds are I’ll be back here in a year, eating my own words and praising Alien: Earth like it’s the new messiah. A nagging voice at the back of my skull, though, keeps telling me there’s no good way to set an Alien project on Earth, especially not a prequel.

Hopefully, I’ll have found a way to silence that voice before Alien: Earth debuts sometime next year.