Fan-Favorite ’90s Spy Comedy Can’t Be Streamed Anywhere, And It’s An Absolute Shame
When I was nine years old, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery rocked my world and changed me forever. I know it’s not exactly high-brow stuff, but as an awkward preteen with a penchant for the musical parody styling of “Weird Al” Yankovic, the Austin Powers series represented what I found to be the most beautiful thing in the world at that time in my life (and currently): slap-stick comedy that only exists to make fun of other serious intellectual properties.
Unfortunately, in order to watch the film that kicked off the franchise, or any of them for that matter, I had to dig through my old DVDs to actually find a copy I could watch. I could have spent $3.99 for the on-demand purchase, but I’m aggressively frugal and would rather spend my money on snacks.
A Groovy Good Time
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery is the secret agent spy comedy that we so desperately needed in the ’90s because it took all of the best elements from the James Bond films from previous decades and turned them into a complete joke. One of the reasons I was so drawn to the film was because of how much my parents didn’t want me to watch it. They knew how incessantly I’d quote the movie, and their fears were confirmed when I finally got a chance to watch it at my friend’s house after school.
A Blast From The Past
The story for Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery follows its titular character (Mike Myers), a British spy who fully embraces the free-loving, psychedelic vibe of the late ’60s. Upon learning that his arch-nemesis, Dr. Evil (also Mike Myers), has launched himself into space and cryogenically frozen himself, Austin Powers decides to the same. 30 years later, the shagadellic secret agent is thawed out by the British Ministry of Defense when they receive intel that Dr. Evil has done the same.
Groggy from 30 years of cryosleep, and in a complete state of culture shock now that he’s living in the late ’90s, Austin Powers is partnered with Vanessa Kensington (Elizabeth Hurley), the extremely attractive daughter of his former sidekick and lover from the ’60s, Mrs. Kensington (Mimi Rogers).
It Isn’t Easy Growing Up Anywhere
Meanwhile, Dr. Evil is up to his usual diabolical hi-jinks in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, but not without his own obstacles. Not only did his loyal henchman, Number 2 (Robert Wagner), turn his evil empire into a legitimate business (or so the government thinks), his other villainous cohorts took the liberty of using his genetic material to create a test-tube baby named Scott (Seth Green). Harboring resentment over the fact that his father was cryogenically frozen during his formative years, Scott spends most of his time in his room blasting alternative rock music and refusing to take over the family business.
Hell-bent on world domination, Dr. Evil plans to drill into the center of the Earth, causing a series of volcanic eruptions unless the UN pays his exorbitant ransom of (zooms in) $100 billion.
Insane Laugh-Per-Minute Ratio
There’s not a single minute of runtime in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery that’s not highly quotable in some way, shape, or form. From Will Ferrell’s Mustafa character getting gravely injured and loudly complaining the entire time he’s slowly dying, to Michael McDonald’s (MADtv) nameless henchman refusing to step out of the path of a slow-rolling steamroller that would have spared him if he just moved three feet in either direction, there are countless gags throughout the film that will have you laughing your face off. I can get into the whole Fembot “death by provocative dancing” sequence, but I don’t have all day.
You Can Watch Austin Powers, But It’ll Cost Ya
GFR SCORE
Does Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery still hold up in 2024? That’s for you to decide. Did I get sent to the principal’s office in 4th grade for telling my classmate that he looks like he’d been beaten with an ugly stick? Absolutely.
While you can’t currently stream any Austin Powers title through a subscription, you can purchase the title that helped me dish out insults at a sixth-grade level through Apple TV+ if you’ve got a few bucks burning a hole in your bank account.
