Sci-Fi Horror Comedy On Tubi Makes You Think Twice About Cheat Day
We’re almost two full weeks into the new year, and this is just about the time most reasonable people start buckling under the pressure of their resolutions. As you drive past the Planet Fitness – the Hotel California of gym memberships because you’re not permitted to leave – and pull into the nearest Dunkin drive-thru to max out your daily caloric intake before 9:00 am, maybe you should consider watching Attack of the Killer Donuts as you coast into the weekend to scare yourself straight.
Most health experts say that doughnuts (from this point forward stylized as “donuts”) are terrible for your health, and Attack of the Killer Donuts is a cautionary tale about how the delectable treats will most surely be the death of you if you don’t keep your consumption in check.
Mover Over, Killer Tomatoes!
Attack of the Killer Donuts is a modern homage to the B-movie drive-in features in the sense that your enjoyment will very much hinge on how many road sodas you were able to smuggle past the flashlight-waving usher in your trunk or glove compartment while finding your parking spot. Sparing its audience no ambiguity, the film’s primary antagonist is a bunch of killer donuts, and their objective is to attack as many people as possible.
Bouncing around like a swarm of violent, yeast-risen tennis balls, the killer donuts show no mercy after inadvertently becoming reanimated by a mad scientist whose life’s work is to bring the dead back to life.
A Vulgar Display Of Flour
You can’t just have donuts randomly killing people without some sort of backstory to their confectionary carnage because that would be silly, so Attack of the Killer Donuts brazenly goes through the motions to establish some semblance of a narrative.
We’re first introduced to Johnny Wentworth (Justin Ray), a young slacker who lives with his mom and works at Dandy Donuts. Johnny’s in love, and in a very one-sided relationship, with Veronica (Lauren Elise), who walks all over him and mostly just uses him for money. Johnny’s mother, Emma (Kassandra Voyagis), tries to talk him into considering his co-worker and childhood friend, Michelle (Kayla Compton), as a romantic interest because they have a rock-solid friendship that should by all means be taken to the next level.
Oh yeah, and living in Johnny’s basement is his mad-scientist uncle, Luther (Michael Swan), who spends all of his time injecting a mysterious serum into dead rats while trying to perfect his reanimation serum so he can win the Nobel Prize. Luther shouldn’t be considered the antagonist in Attack of the Killer Donuts because he means well, but every act of pastry pummeling in this film is the direct result of his carelessness despite his good intentions.
Donut Uprising
Johnny steals his laptop back from Uncle Luther’s lab before heading to his shift at Dandy Donuts. Johnny and Michelle spend most of their shift offering free donuts to their regulars after some sort of fight breaks out in the shop, much to the dissatisfaction of their incompetent and penny-pinching boss, Cliff (Chris De Christopher). At this point in Attack of the Killer Donuts, the piles of free product haven’t yet become infected (or boxed up), but the important takeaway is that there are dozens of potentially violent donuts about to be in circulation.
Luther shows up at Dandy Donuts to retrieve the laptop and gets into a scuffle with Cliff, who has previously banned him from the shop for his eccentric behavior. During the altercation, Luther’s serum flies out of his shirt pocket and into the fryers, setting the rest of Attack of the Killer Donuts in motion.
The donuts grow fangs and secrete a poisonous green goo that infects their victims, and all hell breaks loose at Dandy Donuts before the sentient sweets break loose and terrorize the town.
Not fully aware of the gravity of the situation, it’s up to Johnny and Michelle to inform the public and learn the full extent of Uncle Luther’s research so they can develop an antiserum and save the day.
A Violently Hilarious Bloodbath
GFR SCORE
Attack of the Killer Donuts has all the right ingredients for an effectively self-aware, low-budget B-movie. Its violence is so-over-the-top that you can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous the titular antagonists look while pouncing and feasting on their subjects. Sure, Officer Rogers (C. Thomas Howell) has access to firearms, but he’s hopeless in his defense against the killer donuts because there simply aren’t enough bullets in the world to mitigate the problem, especially after being blinded by a jelly blast.
In order to fully enjoy Attack of the Killer Donuts, you need to go into your viewing experience knowing that this creature feature doesn’t take itself seriously at all. It’s schlocky by design, and the effects are deliberately bad to drive the point home. But if you need motivation to stick to your New Year’s resolutions, I can’t think of anything more effective than watching your favorite deep-fried treats going on a murderous rampage, sparing no life in their path.
As of this writing, you can stream Attack of the Killer Donuts for free on Tubi, Peacock, Crackle, Plex, and Amazon Prime Video.
Login with Google