Star Wars Heroes Secretly Vicious Cannibals?
A Star Wars fan theory that Ewoks eat humans is not at all far-fetched and is even unofficially confirmed. Sure, when we first meet Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi, he doesn’t seem very interested in snacking on Leia, instead enticed by her preferred meal bar. But it’s also true that the Ewoks later plan to cook Han, Luke, and the other Rebels over a fire as a feast in honor of C-3PO, whom they have deified.
The Ewoks may be some of Star Wars’ most adorable aliens, but they also, allegedly, eat people.
Of course, the Ewoks are the teddy bears of Star Wars—super adorable, unlikely heroes who take down the empire with limited resources. But if they were prepared to eat the rebels they captured, it only stands to reason that this sort of carnivorous behavior may already have been an established practice on the forest moon of Endor. Indeed, it is possible that the diminutive furballs even devoured some of the Stormtroopers whose helmets they gleefully play like a xylophone at the end of the film.
Surprisingly, there is some Star Wars lore, though technically not canon, that backs up the idea of Ewoks as potentially vicious creatures. In Issue #14 of Star Wars Tales, the comic book anthology series that was part of the Legends continuity, the story “Apocalypse Endor” by Christian Reed and Clayton Henry provides evidence that the Ewoks are more than just adorable. The tale features an older ex-Stormtrooper recalling the Battle of Endor as a horrible slaughter.
Though the Ewoks of Star Wars are known for being small, cute, and fuzzy, it is this seemingly innocuous appearance that the Stormtrooper recalls as perhaps the Ewoks’ deadliest weapon. Their appearance had caused the Empire to underestimate them, leaving them unguarded before what he describes as combat geniuses. Describing late-night strikes, ambushes, and booby traps, the Stormtrooper describes a formidable foe who showed no mercy.
Surprisingly, there is some Star Wars lore, though technically not canon, that backs up the idea of Ewoks as potentially vicious creatures.
Of course, being brilliant tacticians does not mean the Ewoks are the cannibals of Star Wars, but the former Stormtrooper tells a story that indicates they are. He describes the fate of a stormtrooper named Kovacs, who was ambushed by Ewoks using a noose. The next day, his compatriots found his remains, which showed that the precious little teddy bears had indeed ritually devoured their brother-in-arms.
Star Wars Tales says all this is part of the Ewoks cultural structure and religious practices. Their belief in the golden one who gives them light is what brings them to honor C-3PO as a deity. And it is this belief that inspires them to plan to offer up the rebels as a celebratory feast in their god’s honor.
Star Wars fans don’t usually think of Ewoks as vicious creatures, but this Stormtrooper’s story seems to confirm what the events of Return of the Jedi already indicate: they may look cute, but they eat their enemies.
According to the Star Wars story, it is not at all uncommon for Ewoks to eat human flesh in this ritualistic manner. It seems their concept of worship includes burnt offerings that are consumed in large feasts. The Stormtrooper postulates that the eating of those defeated in battle could have been meant to absorb the energy of the enemy.
Star Wars fans don’t usually think of Ewoks as vicious creatures, but this Stormtrooper’s story seems to confirm what the events of Return of the Jedi already indicate: they may look cute, but they eat their enemies. Whether the ex-Stormtrooper is a reliable narrator or not is, of course, a question that is up for debate, especially as he is eager to overcome the embarrassment of having been defeated by an army of pint-sized carpet samples. Whatever the case, it seems apparent that there is more to the Ewoks than first impressions might indicate.
We still think Ewoks are among Star Wars’s cutest, most heroic presences. Just to be on the safe side, though, we’re going to be very sure not to make them angry.
