Chickens Are Battling Hawaiians And The Humans Are Losing
Hawaii is being overrun by feral chickens, the result of centuries of cross-breeding gone wrong.
In a story pulled straight from the history books of Australia, humanity is once again losing a battle with bird-kind. According to a write-up in Futurism, feral chickens with supercharged survival instincts have taken over the island of Kauai. The Hawaiian chickens have long made the island famous for their free-roaming status on the local beaches, even acting as a tourist attraction for visitors, though locals of Hawaii have warned that the chickens in question can be quite vicious and may attack on sight.
While complaints about these avian adversaries vary from one local to another, some Hawaiians feel that the poultry pests have impacted everything from their sleep schedule to their agriculture, labeling the creatures as super chickens, which plague the island. The constant crowing of the roosting birds as well as their foraging habits have disturbed locals and impacted their financial stability, much like the highly dangerous super-hogs of the northern United States border. Additionally, much like the hogs, these are no ordinary farm chickens one might cross paths with on a day-to-day basis.
According to locals, these Hawaiian chickens are descendants of the wild red jungle fowl which were brought to Hawaii by Polynesian settlers centuries ago, as far back as 1,000 AD. So, given these chickens’ long-standing relationship with the native land, why is this problem arising now? Well, back in the 1980s and 1990s, a number of devastating hurricanes destroyed many of the island’s chicken coops, killing or releasing nearly all of Kauai’s domesticated chickens, which allowed wild fowls to mate with the remaining birds.
Since then, the wild fowl genes have only gotten stronger, seemingly overtaking the DNA of the average coop-bound chicken and turning them into bloodthirsty monsters who yearn for the destruction of mankind…or have raised their natural levels of aggression, one or the other.
This development means that Hawaii has become plagued with a highly intelligent and intensely belligerent breed of chicken that is resilient to the elements and capable of reproducing year-round. It seems that stories of animal attacks on humans have only been ramping up in recent weeks, with the news of these Hawaiian chickens making headlines just days after it was revealed to the public that killer whales have been assaulting boats off the coast of Spain, sending several vessels to the watery depths in the process. With animals seemingly revolting against humanity on all corners of the globe, it leaves us to wonder where we can be safe.
Government officials across Hawaii have already made efforts to curb the uncontrollable chicken population, spending over $7,000 on traps to catch the foul fowls across the island. These efforts were largely unsuccessful, however, as fewer than 70 chickens were caught in the span of several months, leaving mathematicians to deduce that the state of Hawaii spent over $100 per chicken, a staggering rate even with today’s skyrocketing grocery store prices. As the menacing leghorns continue to wreak havoc on the island, potentially driving locals into the awaiting mouths of hungry orcas dotting the coastline, humanity must once again contend with the unstoppable forces of nature.
